It’s never too soon to start putting together that Christmas wish list. Since there are only 265 shopping days until that blessed corporate collusion for an excuse to gift giving, I figured I would recommend a few products. These recommendations are certain to be hard to find, hot-selling items come Winter 2008. 
To begin, we have the only 14mph Cooler on the market. This sleek and comfortable ride is an upgrade from the 13mph cooler offered last year, and provides a way for drunken beggars to carry their booze with them as they move easily and quickly from street corner to street corner. Built from durable yet lightweight aircraft aluminum it will only be a matter of time before you can say to your children that the family sedan was modeled after this innovative machinery. (see SAAB) As an added bonus, this model includes a cup holder between the drivers’ knees.
In honor of the 2008 political season, the newly released ‘Pig Book’ from The Council for Citizens Against Government Waste organization highlights pork barrel spending projects from your favorite politician. Amaze your friends as you tell stories of $740,000 of your tax dollars going to olive fruit fly research, or $98,000 to develop a walking tour of Boydton, VA. (Boydton, VA Population: 474. Size: Less than one square mile).
For the record, I love my mother and I love golf, but this book provides great statistics on earmarks of $123,000 for Mother’s Day shrines in Grafton, WV and 3 million reasons why youngsters should play golf because golf “will help make great generals and colonels.” (I’m glad our country is safe.)
In addition, ordering a Pig Book early will qualify you to receive a free Hillary Clinton Toilet Bowl Brush. As you know, HRC is an expert at keeping whitewater, well, whitewater. Two ounce bottle of tears is optional.
The Nintendo Wii (pronounced ‘wee’) offers a new and exciting gaming experience. Sure to be as big a hit as Duck Hunt and Legend of Zelda, your game library isn’t complete without “Super Pii Pii Brothers.” (pronounced ‘pee’ ‘pee’). According to the box, “Super Pii Pii Brothers promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing."
Strap on the belt harness and tilt your body to control a never-ending stream of pee! Get too much on the ground and game over. You’ll be entertained for hours! For added fun, play in a multiplayer mode and stand at the back of the room and have a competition with your friends just like those elementary school days. This is becoming a huge hit among Japanese schoolgirls.
Though the US economy is headed for ‘contraction,’ it is sure to bounce back with items like these in stores.
To begin, we have the only 14mph Cooler on the market. This sleek and comfortable ride is an upgrade from the 13mph cooler offered last year, and provides a way for drunken beggars to carry their booze with them as they move easily and quickly from street corner to street corner. Built from durable yet lightweight aircraft aluminum it will only be a matter of time before you can say to your children that the family sedan was modeled after this innovative machinery. (see SAAB) As an added bonus, this model includes a cup holder between the drivers’ knees.
In honor of the 2008 political season, the newly released ‘Pig Book’ from The Council for Citizens Against Government Waste organization highlights pork barrel spending projects from your favorite politician. Amaze your friends as you tell stories of $740,000 of your tax dollars going to olive fruit fly research, or $98,000 to develop a walking tour of Boydton, VA. (Boydton, VA Population: 474. Size: Less than one square mile).
For the record, I love my mother and I love golf, but this book provides great statistics on earmarks of $123,000 for Mother’s Day shrines in Grafton, WV and 3 million reasons why youngsters should play golf because golf “will help make great generals and colonels.” (I’m glad our country is safe.)
In addition, ordering a Pig Book early will qualify you to receive a free Hillary Clinton Toilet Bowl Brush. As you know, HRC is an expert at keeping whitewater, well, whitewater. Two ounce bottle of tears is optional.
The Nintendo Wii (pronounced ‘wee’) offers a new and exciting gaming experience. Sure to be as big a hit as Duck Hunt and Legend of Zelda, your game library isn’t complete without “Super Pii Pii Brothers.” (pronounced ‘pee’ ‘pee’). According to the box, “Super Pii Pii Brothers promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing."
Strap on the belt harness and tilt your body to control a never-ending stream of pee! Get too much on the ground and game over. You’ll be entertained for hours! For added fun, play in a multiplayer mode and stand at the back of the room and have a competition with your friends just like those elementary school days. This is becoming a huge hit among Japanese schoolgirls.
Though the US economy is headed for ‘contraction,’ it is sure to bounce back with items like these in stores.
Get these on your Christmas list today!
No comments:
Post a Comment