My Raccoon Supports McCain

The dullness and boredom of the middle of the night often are the ingredients for another blog entry to develop. Light emitting from the television is sufficient for the dark room. The volume set very low, the sound of remote control buttons being pushed is all that is really heard.

Occasionally, the furnace will kick on and the low rumble from a vent on the wall breaks the silence every 15 minutes or so. Slouching into the oversized chair with feet elevated on the ottoman, I drift in and out of thought as well as sleep. First wondering why someone chose the word ‘ottoman’ to describe a big puffy upholstered box. They must have had something against people from Turkey since they chose the word to describe something one would rest their feet upon.

Every so often the house settles for just a moment and a noise is heard. This reminds me of the time I had a raccoon living in my chimney. It was about this time of night when I would hear something rustling around inside the wall. Then, I would go outside to retrieve something from my vehicle and I would hear the same type of noise above my head on the top of the carport.

I grab a flashlight from inside the garage and stand up on the fence to get a better view of the roof. As I shine the light on the roof of the carport two eyes are reflected back at me. It just stares into the light for a moment. Then cowardly waddles away and up the roof line before disappearing again into the chimney.

The last thing a single guy needs in his house is an animal for a roommate. (Unless of course she’s a woman and then it is encouraged.) The next day I research how to rid myself of such an unwelcome house guest.

Two suggestions are considered: One, a raccoon hates the smell of ammonia, and two, the sound of human voices.

As I prepare to go out-of-town the following day, I run to the store and purchase a bottle of ammonia. I climb up on the roof and pour it around the top of the chimney and then down into the chimney.

Before I leave the house, I turn on the AM radio and crank up the volume. I hope that while I am away for a few days the visitor will leave on its own. Either that or it will become a registered Republican voter after hearing Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity all day long. The smell of ammonia may be bad, but this method is cruel and unusual torture.

Luckily I return from my holiday away and my voracious little friend is nowhere to be found. It seemed to be the first time in my life that I was able to rid myself of an unwanted guest in my life without resorting to entrapment, physical violence, manipulation, or by getting rabies