Love the One You Find.

As previously mentioned, I believe my generation is in serious trouble when it comes to establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. The dysfunctional behavior in relationships, in my opinion, stems from the “I want it easy and I want it now” attitude that permeates throughout many in my age range.

I recognize I am a product, byproduct and in some ways hypocrite in my own right on this matter. However, on the onset of leaving home, many have the desires to maintain the same or higher standard of living, same or higher level of income, and to have it all immediately where it took our parents 20 plus years to establish. One cannot deny the same type of wants seep into the development of relationships.

We want it. We want it now. We want it easy. We want it perfect. As I like to say, dreams come easy, reality requires a little more effort.

Now I understand if some might think as they read this, “what do you know? You’re not married.” That’s the beauty of it. I love it when married people try to tell you what is the right approach, method, or tactic to get married. Because they are married, they think they are experts on the matter. Quite frankly, it’s the single folk that allow married folk to establish themselves as so called experts on the matter. In reality, they have no clue. All they know is what personally worked for them. Everyone has a different story.

Even my theories on the matter may not necessarily apply to your specific situation. Although, I think generally speaking I’m more right than wrong.

I return to the point of removing the non-eternal priorities in order to establish an eternal relationship. I have a handful of female persons in my life who I adore, respect, admire, and have amazingly simple and comfortable platonic relationships. If any one of these women, on the very short list, were to call me and say, “Hey, I was thinking about us. Why don’t we just get married? After all, there is more going FOR us than against us.” I would drop pretty much everything I may be in the middle of and make it happen as quickly as possible.

Now, these women are all very different people. Look different, come from different backgrounds, and have very different likes and dislikes. All of which have no importance on the decision to marry them or not. What they do possess are essential eternal attributes and potential of an elect eternal companion. They are grounded spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. This isn’t to say they still don’t cry over spilt milk, or possibly makes more out of a situation than needs be. They are fallible and fragile, yet strong and unbreakable. They are great women who I would be the luckiest guy in the world if one of them would allow me the privilege to care for them and their needs.

Yet, they go through the same agonizing processes we all do. Their one fault is that they are looking for the dream scenario. The whole white horse and knight thing. They have their expectations of how “the one” will come. They say it’s not really like that, but it is. (reminder, the bell-curve) Not to be blasphemous, but I liken this to the coming of the Messiah. Many will be looking for the signs, but looking for the wrong type of signs, and may completely miss the coming.

I realize there are a lot of “what if’s” and selective arguments that could be made possibly for your own personal situation. I don’t know the personal situation of any one who chooses to read this, but I do unfortunately see more justification, rationalization, and excuses among single acquaintances of mine rather than taking personal responsibility for their own current state.

The women want to blame men because it’s a man’s job to do the asking out. Men want to blame women because they ask out and then a woman can’t decide what she really wants. Both are at fault and neither is at fault. Some just don’t ‘feel’ it’s right, or they’re waiting for some spiritual messenger to direct their every move. (A slothful servant must be commanded in all things.)

None of this matters in the long-term perspective. These arguments are merely excuses for a person’s inadequate ability to take initiative and move forward. It’s kind of like the definition of insanity. You’ll never get different results by doing the same thing. I’ve seen beautiful people get together and make things work, and I’ve seen not-so-beautiful people get together and make things happen.

Singles near my age need to realize it isn’t a physical attribute, a financial attribute, a spiritual attribute, or any attribute that can be considered a stumbling block. It is quite simply a state of mind. It’s time for many to change their paradigm.

I know, I know. You may be reading this thinking none of this applies to you. Well, in the words of Ivern Ball, “Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it's addressed to someone else.”

I suspect the latest entries to this blog derive from the frustration and lack of patience I have realized for excuse making people. I should be more sympathetic because I recognize that people really are trying their best and their hardest to find and have a committed and loving relationship.

I think I’ve come to the conclusion that getting married is much easier than the people of my generation make it out to be. We simply need to get ourselves out of our own way. We are the biggest stumbling block to our own progression. I have personally made the commitment that I won’t ‘settle.’ What I will do is remove non-eternal and superficial elements of the dating process to focus on loving the one I find, rather than finding the ‘one’ to love.