High Maintenance

There are a number of essential activities in this life that usually hold a high level of disdain or procrastination in completion. Dentist appointments, doing taxes, taking the garbage out for pickup and paying bills are just a few that come to mind.

For me, having my cars maintained are extremely painful. Basic oil changes and tune-ups I can do in my own garage. However, when the job is outside my scope of capabilities I dread taking it to the shop; especially the dealership.

One such trip took place recently which required me to arise at 6:30 in the morning to get my Jeep to the dealer. I share the early appointment because in my heart, it adds insult to injury.

Here is the usual experience:
1- You pull up to the big roll-up door and some guy that couldn’t hack it at used car sales and was sent to the service department as a 'technician' approaches you and asks ‘What are we doing for you today?’ For a brief moment you want to say, ‘well you’re probably going to rape me (financially speaking)’ so you are careful to speak clearly and specifically about what needs to be done. (This is also because you’re not quite sure what exactly they do or do not comprehend.)
2- You hop out of the car. The technician (if you can call him that) starts with his little clipboard writing all sorts of information down about your car. You understand the numbers for mileage and your license plate number. However, it seems he keeps looking in odd places for more things to write down like in the glove box and under the floor mats.
3- After watching all of this he finally turns to you and says, “Go ahead and take a seat in our comfy waiting area.” Of course this waiting area consists of poor fluorescent lighting with extremely uncomfortable and filthy chairs. A small 20 inch television sits in the corner juxtaposed to the water fountain with those little cone shaped cups that give you about 1.5 ounces of water.
4- As you settle in between the dried chewing gum on the seat cushion and the other stain that remains indistinguishable from anything you can imagine the unknown wait begins. Of course, they won’t tell you how long it will be. You are at the will of the grease monkey gods.
5- Not long after you’ve tried to make some sort of comfort of your surroundings, you have another uncomfortable experience. The technician, (again a term I use loosely) approaches you and asks about other maintenance needs that your vehicle supposedly needs. That already ridiculous $40 oil change starts turning into a $250 dollar trip to the shop. You have a split second to decide whether you want to have the shop complete this additional service or not. If you attempt to make some excuse as to why you either can’t afford it or don’t want them to do it, the guy gives you this look as if he’s saying, “okay, well it’s your life” and that this is the last time he’ll see you because as you drive away your car will more than likely blow up. On my recent trip they wanted to charge me $125 just to drain and refill my axle fluid. A job that on my own would take about 20 minutes and cost about $15.

Eventually you’re able to get your car and get out of there. Losing 2 hours of your life on a job that would’ve taken you 30 minutes to complete if you could have done it yourself.

I see now where Seinfeld found the content for the episode "The Bottle Deposit" where Brad Garrett plays 'Tony' the obsessed with car maintenance mechanic who drives off with Jerry's car once Jerry asks to have it back to take somewhere else.

I personally think this is more frustrating than the dentist who asks you random questions while your mouth is more open than you ever thought possible.