They're all NUTS!

I’m an accomplished professional at the art of offending someone. It’s a gift I was born with. I am apparently so good at it I can even do it in my sleep. However, that’s a story for a later time.

One lesson I’ve learned is a sure way to tick someone off is to include them in any remark that is considered, “generally speaking.”

For example, generally speaking, women are absolutely horrible drivers. Or, generally speaking, men have horrible sense of direction and are stubborn idiots for never asking for directions.

If you are a man, whether you will openly admit it or not, you most likely are in complete agreement with the first statement. If you’re a woman, you may tend to agree with the first statement, but consider yourself an exception to the rule.

Likewise, I somewhat agree with the lack of direction many men have, but I assure you, I NEVER need to ask for directions. (wink)

These stereotypical details of gender, race, religion, or otherwise subconsciously created judgment patterns are developed in our minds when interacting with a particular class of people.

Today, I’m focused on the, “They’re all nuts!” class of individuals. Generally speaking of course.

I’m going to describe to you the type of person that would fall in to the ‘they’re all nuts’ category. However, I’m going to describe them in a way that leaves out gender, race, religion, hair color, or any other physical attribute. Then you can determine for yourself whether you agree or disagree with my generalized comments without being subjected to predetermined stereotypes.

Generally speaking, the type of person I would consider to be nuts, is the type of person that might possibly go to the bakery and see a particularly attractive slice of cheesecake that looks far better than the rest housed in the glass case in terms of freshness, size, and color, yet still wonders if there might be an even better piece of cheesecake in the back that the bakery just hasn’t brought out yet. This type of person will ask the attendant behind the counter to take the piece out of the glass encasing and place it on the counter as if to buy, but then stalls in the decision making process of whether or not to buy just to see if the baker will bring out an even more appetizing piece of cake to replace the one just removed.

This way, if the new piece brought from the back does not measure up, they still have the one they started with.

Unfortunately, sometimes they take too much time in deciding which piece of cheesecake to buy and someone else comes along and purchases one of the many they might have been considering. This causes a sad emotional response to occur and now the piece that is gone automatically became the ‘best’ piece, regardless of what may still be available. These people then watch from afar and glare at the other customer who purchased the once sought piece of cheesecake. They refuse to consider any of the other available pieces until the one that got away is completely devoured by the other customer, or has left the bakery in a box. Who am I kidding? Even after it has left the bakery, these types of people STILL wonder if there is a way they can track down the customer who bought it and snatch it out from under them while they’re not looking.

Then, after all of this, they leave the bakery mad that there really isn’t good cheesecake to be found anywhere. They relent to the fact that if that’s the kind of cheesecake they have to choose from they are not going to have any at all. Of course, it’s not their fault the cheesecake just isn’t quite up to the quality standards they have in their mind.

It’s the bakers fault.

This is simply a brief illustration of the type of people I generally consider to be ‘nuts.’ You can decide for yourself who these types of people may be in your life.

As a side note, I’ve found the best tasting cheesecake to be in New York City. Also, please feel free to write me if you need clarification on the analogy. I hope the illustration was clear enough, I just didn’t want to ‘offend’ anyone.