Celebrity Golf Watch

Those closest to me know that I am an avid golfer. Note: there is a difference between being an avid golfer and a good golfer. However, there are times out on the course when you're looking at a putt which breaks left and right before the ball would reach the hole. In that moment of determined pessimism of actually making the shot, your golf buddy hollers out, "Tiger Woods could make that putt," adding insult and pressure on top of it all.

Gently drawing back the club face, almost wanting to close your eyes on impact, you strike the ball and hesitantly look up only to watch the ball fall out of sight into the hole. In that moment, you turn back to that so called 'friend' and humbly reply, "Yes, Tiger Woods could make that putt, and so can I!"

They say golf is a gentleman's game. I wish that were true. In all honesty, the golf course is to the white-collar folk what a widow-maker hill climb is to the blue-collar boys. Stuffy preps dressed in Polo Ralph Lauren go golfing to try to impress their friends with gargantuan drives off the tee. After pelting the ball into oblivion, the pony emblem chap proudly struts around with his chest out like a rooster, proclaiming, "Chicks dig the long ball." Yet, very rarely are there any 'chicks' around, so it becomes a feeble phrase for an even more feeble mind.

Yes, I am apart of this ridiculous foray of civilization. Not only am I apart of it, I embrace it. Although I'm lacking in Polo shirts, or even IZOD for that matter. (always loved that little alligator.) I do strut around, gracefully of course, after smashing the ball off the tee. I do not make comments about 'chicks' or 'long balls.' Talking trash should remain on the basketball court or football field. Not to mention, it's kind of hard to talk trash while considering that you might resemble Michael Jackson, wearing a combination of one white glove and funny looking shoes.

I found it interesting this morning to see the Top 100 Golfers in Hollywood. Many may be familiar with the likes of Bill Murray's antics on the links. Or if you're really up to par (pun) you'll also know of his antics in Sweden on a golf cart. I had no idea there was a Top 100 list of celebrity golfers. It's based on handicap, and not acting ability (thank goodness), the scoring mechanism to determine the level of a player.

Currently, I have a 12.2 handicap. Not great, but not bad. I am happy to report that I'm a better golfer than Jack Nicholson, but just a tad worse then Sylvester Stallone, Ray Romano, and John O'Hurley who you'll remember as J. Petermen from Seinfeld. Remember that episode when Jerry's car is stolen by the OCD mechanic who throws the clubs at Kramer in the mail truck on his way to trade in pop cans in Michigan? That was a good episode. Who knew Rocky could play golf too?

Thankfully, this puts me in the Top 50 of Hollywood golfers. I've got some room to improve but there are more that are worse golfers than are better. I'm better than Happy Gilmore star Adam Sandler, and much better than Bagger Vance star Matt Damon.

I was glad to see Jessica Alba on the list. A 22 handicap as a woman is commendable. I'd like to be her golf partner for 18 holes. I wonder if she'd act similar to a guy when she hits the ball 200 yards off the tee as she claims? I may have to reverse my thinking on the previous matter and agree with her when she says, "Guys dig the long ball."